How To Write a Hit Song - by Ko$ha

How To Write A Hit Song - by Ko$ha

Today's music landscape is really hard to navigate without the proper knowledge and tools. The advent of home recording, the ease of internet distribution and the fact that the industry hasn't fully figured out how to make consumers buy music again has lead to a low point in popular music. With such limited money to be made, you should only focus on writing hits. Hopefully, this column will give you some pointers on how to write a surefire hit song. It's not as hard as you think. In fact, it happens everyday!

Are you ready to write a hit???

1 - Start off with a simple drum beat. 74-88bpm usually works great. If you HAVE to go faster (or you're using Logic), make sure it's "four on the floor". For drum sounds, try an 808. Not the ACTUAL drum machine. Just do a Google search for "808 samples" and click on the first result (Note: If you're more of a Bing person, click on the 3rd result). Once you have a 4 bar pattern you like simply copy/paste until the 3 minute mark. Its ok if it goes over or under a little bit, but you're not doing yourself any favors. Add a simple piano or synth line for harmony center and whatever you do, don't bring in the synth bass until the chorus!

1b - If you can't think of a beat on your own, try using the chorus of an old 80's or 90's song you like and changing all or most of the words. Voila! Something new and fresh that no one has ever heard. Don't worry about potential law suits... do what songwriters do and let lawyers do what they do. Besides, the sampled artist will thank you once they start receiving requests for State Fair performances, YouTube video cameos and an ironic MTV VMA appearance.

2 - For your title think of a word or phrase that has a syllable that can be repeated ad nauseam. It gives the listener something to sing in the car, shower or karaoke bar and cuts down on the amount of lyrics you'll need to write for the hook. See: Halo, Halo, Halo... My-my-my Poker Face... or any song written after Umbrella (ella, ella).

2b - If you're stuck for a title, try using one that's already been done (like Nelly Furtado's/Hall & Oates' "Maneater", Beyonce's/Eurythmics' "Sweet Dreams", Kelly Clarkson's/The Eagles' "Already Gone", Katy Perry's/Jill Sobule's "I Kissed A Girl" or something just different enough no one catches it. See: Jordin Sparks' Benatar-inspired "Battlefield"). It's ok... no one will remember the old song especially if its before 2008. I don't think anyone's touched "Hey Jude!" yet. Have at it, Rob Thomas!

3 - Now that you have a beat and a title, you're 75% done! Wasn't that easy? Time to put together your verses. For your verse melody, make sure you only use 1-3 notes total. You can use them in any order but no more than 3 and no less than 1. If you happen to sing an extraneous scale tone, you can fix it later with AutoTune. Once you have a melody sketched out, it's time to tackle your verse lyric. Lyrically, your verses should be about love regardless of your title but first things first: point your internet browser to www.rhymezone.com (Bookmark it to save time later!). Extra points for using words that are related to the title but don't really make sense. If you run out of word ideas, try a simple whoa-oh, hey or yeah to fill in space. Be mindful of current language trends. For example, use "shorty" for "girl" wherever possible.

I've started a verse below for you to give you an idea of a hit song verse! No stealing! LOL

"If we're in a Civil War, then you are Grant and I am Lee.
One day Ima make you surrender to me.
You are gray and shorty, I'm blue
Whoa-oh, Hey, yeah, like that, Ima do you"

See? It's simple!

4 - Onto the bridge... A bridge is only necessary if you think your song is too short after chorus 2. If you decide to write a bridge, be patient. A well-formed bridge can take up to 5 minutes to write! If you opt out of a bridge section, try repetitive nonsense syllables or ask a friend to rap for 16 bars.

5 - The homestretch... For chorus 3, make sure a portion of it is broken down. It doesn't make sense after 2 minutes and 15 seconds of beat-driven songcraft to continue doing the same thing. Your listener needs a break and breakdown third choruses are ALWAYS unexpected! Once the song kicks back in, double your chorus but this time the singer should ad lib on top of the 40 vocals that are already there. To end the song, try a fade out, stopping the music and letting the singer sing the title a capella (note: use delay!) or for an artsy-flair, try repeating one or two lines from verse 1. Be careful though. This technique could push your song over 3 minutes or worse yet, confuse your listener who may think the song is starting over.

6 - Now that you have a hit song make sure you bounce it down to an mp3. Mp3's make music easier to steal so more people can hear it and their inferior sound quality masks any mistakes that would otherwise be noticed on CD. Upload it online and email it to friends with the subject "My hot new track!!!" then sit back. Artists LOVE hit songs. Like fruit flies to red wine, they will swarm your song and you'll be choosing among the biggest artists in the world to cut it!

What do you do now? Well, its only noon... Write a few more hit songs today!

Good luck songwriters! Please check out my other columns "How to Saw A Woman in Half Safely", "How to Hit a Homerun - EVERY AT BAT!" and "Why Nixon's Southern Strategy Started a Demographic Divide That Ultimately Led to the Election of George W. Bush (Which In Turn Cleared the Way for the Election of Barack H. Obama)".

- Ko$ha